Blog of the Butterfly

When I think about what defines me, my first thought is, “mother of two great kids.” But that’s not all that defines me. I have had a successful career as a film and video designer. In a small market, that means everything from set design and props, to costumes, to animation and editing, to makeup. I thoroughly enjoyed my work, BUT I had actually set out to be a journalist, or a lawyer, or a producer at Children’s Television Workshop, or a political staffer, or a spy. Taking these years off to raise my children has allowed me to step back and reassess my goals. As I emerge from this fog that has clouded my two pregnancies, infants and toddlers, I feel an idealism reminiscent of my college days. I feel the need to do something that not only matters, but something I love.

I’ve been trying to find/make my new niche for a while.

In the past six years, I’ve seriously researched:

• Opening a day spa
• Starting an organic market
• Buying a dairy farm and converting it to organic
• Working on a film crew for months at a time

I’ve considered:

• Going to law school
• Finishing my MFA in film
• Becoming a lobbyist for sustainable energy
• Selling my sewn articles on etsy
• Homeschooling
• Writing a book
• Working at a fabric store

I have:

• Run for the state legislature
• Sold cheese at a farmers’ market
• Participated in a strategic planning committee for my neighborhood charter school
• Been a student ambassador to the U.S.S.R.
• Researched Dusky Dolphins

When, as an old woman, I look back on my life, I imagine I will see these as my best years. Right now, I just feel confused!